::may update:: (before it turns into june. eek.)

our annual mother's day photo shoot : ) (and yes, i am about 35 weeks pregnant here and actually do have a huge belly that is mysteriously not apparent in these pics)

pregnancy:: almost 38 weeks along and it's all starting to catch up with me a bit. i've actually been feeling pretty good for the last 4 or 5 weeks, the back pain that flared up at 30 weeks mysteriously disappeared which was/is a huge relief. but lately i feel giant and tight, full of acid indigestion no matter what i eat and sorely lacking in energy (and with a head cold that isn't helping at all). our normal walk to the park and back leaves me winded and craving a little lie down. i kind of wish i could just fast forward the next couple of weeks, until after the labour part, and be at a place where the baby is here and my mom is here and the house is in a slightly better state. but i don't want the baby to come early, NO SIREE. i've been having braxton hicks contractions, which i never had with mae, and had one that slightly hurt the other night that almost sent me into a panic. i thought it was the beginning of the real thing and was immediately overwhelmed with the thought that once the contractions start, it's all a terrifying, downhill path full of pain and anguish until the baby is born. not exactly a cheery outlook on labour, is it? i really need to have that epidural. i am so freaked out by the memory of giving birth naturally that there is just no way i can relax and let the contractions happen without fear, no way i can concentrate on breathing and working with them when i know how painful it is all going to be at the end. i know it will be different this time but that is a bit scary too; not knowing how fast everything could go or what complications could arise. i'm looking forward to being on the other side of it, that is for sure. sorry for any first time moms-to-be reading this but you know, honesty, that's what you get around here.



renos:: are dragging along slowly but that's to be expected when your carpenter husband is doing pretty much all the work himself on top of a full time job. but our extension has an underfloor now, the wall frames went up last weekend and the roof trusses went up this weekend so it's pretty exciting to be able to have a better idea of what space we will have.



mae:: little miss mae, light of my life. as the saying goes, when she is good, she is very, VERY good and when she is bad, she is horrid. she has become increasingly clingy with me the past few months, actually probably starting way back before christmas. i don't know if it's because of the pregnancy or the disruption to her life through the renovation but whatever it is, it's made me quite worried about how she is going to react to my attention being taken up by a new baby. she's generally such a great little kid, cheeky and smart, funny, gentle and clever but very cautious in new situations and around people she doesn't know really well. for example, we went to my mother's group baby shower today and she was in super shy mode, making her funny "i'm invisible" face when anyone talked to her, trying to pull me around by the finger, wanting me to stand with her while she played outside with the other kids. and these are people she has known since she was 3 months old, toddlers that she has literally grown up with and seen once weekly, if not more. if i try to walk away from her she bursts into loud, real tears and hangs off my leg, even if i'm just going to stand a few meters away. sigh. it's trying. but it's also a bit hit and miss, sometimes we go places and she is totally fine, happy, comfortable, you just never know. we started a music "class" the other week and she just absolutely loved it. hid behind my leg as we first walked in but once the music started and the other kids started dancing, she was COMPLETELY into it, clapping, laughing, yelling, stomping along with everyone. i was kind of amazed. and proud. and felt a bit guilty that we hadn't been to music before now! (we had been on a waiting list for the class since last november) she still goes to childcare for an afternoon once a week and i think she still enjoys it while she is there but we have major tears at drop off and sometimes tears at pick up, too. it makes me wonder if it is worth it for three measly hours but oh! how i enjoy those hours on my own. now that her sleeping and napping is so much easier, it might be time to look into a full day of childcare once a week - we'll see how it goes with the new baby. it's going to be interesting, that is for sure...